the rambleshack

i'm really upset today
i dont know if anybody will understand
regional tensions back home are rising
they may be going to war
i dont want to stay here and play the game anymore
i mean i love these guys and stuff but i have better things to be doing
i want to go home
i want to go back to my ship
its daryl's second death anniversary
that poor fucker died and all and now here i am sucking up resources and i cant do anything real i cant do shit
we just lost four female petty officers at home
morale is low at home
my hands are tied but i just cant reconcile emotions and priorites and everything
i feel as if i should be doing something else at all, like i dont even know why i'm here fucking around i mean its good training but does it really help me? i dont think i can benefit as much as a fresh american high school kid
if we're going to war back home i want in and i want to do whatever i can i know its small but i need to do something i know i can help and i know i'm good at what i do

this is a funny song i remember performed a capella that perhaps captures my life at times.

"Short People"

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

today i went to classes, micro, weapons systems engineering, strategy and tactics, probs and stats, then went to a CDS on character issues, then did some admin stuff for the aikido club, watched an episode of cowboy bebop, went to wrestling class, and am just back. it is 1553 (+5 GMT) or 13 hours behind singapore on a monday, from now till 1700 i will be preparing to write a paper on christian pacifism, give my piece to a plebe on information warfare at 1755, having gone to dinner, followed by aikido practice, and back to finish the paper. I will then take a shower and read the straits times online, an episode of cowboy bebop, call home maybe, prepare tomorrow's uniform, brush teeth and check email/whatever, and sleep perhaps about midnight. tomorrow is another day.

ah, so my today doings laid out on a plate, like oysters on a bed of ice.

that is, provided i stay alive long enough to accomplish what has been laid out here. if not, then i hope to have the chance to compose a few thoughts upon my dying moments.

and so we come to the end of another happy day. poppycock.

so here we are again, dear readers, if any of you are out there at all. how's everything going? i hope all is well with you.

today the topic of debate will be: living to die! how prepared are we, or even conscious of the fact, to die one day. i seriously doubt anyone is willing to even attempt dating his or her own date of demise, so how do we view our relationship with the worldly life/existence?
-die tomorrow no problem
-die 50 years from now no problem

please formulate your own answers.

anyway, work is okay i think i have to keep working and stuff all this semester. like if i ease up i will keel over and die. damn it.

i wonder about my sister, she mentioned something about becoming the manager of a band, all 14.5 years of age behind her. draw your own conclusions, positive and negative, please.

does anyone remember the lone wolf gamebook series? it was a while ago, yes? then the novels came out, the kai, magnakai, and kai grandmaster series, it was funny, those. together with NKOTB, 'nilla ice, soul asylum and those contemporaries. hahaha.

now i've come to rambling about scotch in a glass. what a terrible progression. nonetheless, life goes on. so on to tomorrow, did i ever mention that the cold is terrible? like fricking -15deg C? what the hell's wrong with these damn humans who invented fire and left the beaches/tropics? GNNBCCB

well well well tomorrow is the one-month-no-update cut-off, am I glad i made it! this semester is a bunch of ridiculous hard-work classes. i never knew the rest of humanity had it so rough academically, having to study, do work and shit like that. damn it, man i've never had to do so much work and stuff in my life. perhaps this is a good thing: i must finally sober up sorta.

so this summer will be filled with a lot of love and fun shit like cruises with the navy, bit of leave and some work for plebe summer.

have you (the general reader) ever come to a point where you looked down and around, feeling as if you'd run miles and miles but ended up at the same place? and there's a feeling of having run round round right round. like a record baby etc.... well i feel sort of as if this has been what its like right now, in the deep of winter in annapolis. damn its cold.

i will admit to having bought a switchblade stiletto. i think its very deadly/elegant with a handkerchief. you know, a cigar/single malt scotch in your hand, stiletto in polished red wood wrapped in a handkerchief in your pocket/jacket. what an exciting thought. those damn italians really did a good job with thinking of a stylish weapon. plus its seriously effective too.

now life goes on, its good. but always we are foiled inside without external distraction. so tiring, no? i will post soon.